As we approach the holiday season, one of my favorite activities is to go out after dark and drive around looking at the beautifully decorated houses. Some of them are professionally done, and look like something out of a Hallmark movie. I often pause when I look at the house, and wonder what the inside is like. After all, if the exterior of the house looks so perfect and inviting, then the interior must be even warmer and cozier. The family, in my mind, probably spends every night next to a roaring fire and perfect Christmas tree, reading “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” or watching “A Christmas Story.” But the reality is that is probably not the case. I wish it was, for I would love nothing more than for everyone to have the home and Christmas scene portrayed in the holiday movies or commercials of the season. But more often than not, the scene on the inside of the house is not as perfect as you would expect. And that is human nature. We are not actors in a Christmas movie, making Christmas cookies and singing carols as we wrap our gifts in beautiful packaging to present to friends and family. Most likely, to have a home of that size and stature, the parents probably work a lot of hours. The kids might be engaged in sports and hobbies that keep them busy, so family dinners, which were a staple in homes when I was growing up, and anchored the family, may be a rarity. Everyone in the household may be so busy that they have a professional decorating team come in and trim the tree and light up the house, missing out on that family activity. One of my favorite memories of growing up was when my family would all chip in to put up the tree and decorations. When nightfall finally arrived, we would stand in our dining room, where we could get a good view of the tree from a distance, and turn off all the house lights as we lit up the tree. We would “Ooh” and “Ahh” over the beautifully lit tree. Often after that, we would get in the car and head somewhere for dinner or to pick up food, after all no one was cooking after all that work decorating! But we would always spend some time driving around the surrounding neighborhoods checking out the other houses and decorations. When we returned home, we would all agree we liked our tree best (we were a little biased). But even that memory has its flaws, as my Dad had passed away years before, and my sister was on her own with her own place to decorate, so the family unit was splintered. Still we did our best with what we had, and in truth we really did have a good time, even if the scenario wasn’t perfect. I hope other families have equally positive and warm memories of the holiday season. But with our busy and chaotic lives, the holidays often go by in a flash, and before we know it the decorations are coming down and being boxed away for another year. We are then thrown into a new year, as the world keeps spinning and we all try to keep up with our busy lives, and portray some semblance that we have it all together. But do we? And if we don’t, is it okay to reveal that, or are we better off keeping that part of our lives hidden? Do we let it be known that we have cracks and flaws, or do we seal all that up and keep on going with an air of perfection, or at least the façade that we have it all under control?
Have you ever admired a couple, whether someone you know or a couple you follow in the media, and then you learn they are splitting up? It can rock you to your core. It may cause you to analyze your own relationships, because if these two people, who seemed so perfect cannot make it, what hope is there for the rest of us? But the truth is, people only reveal what they want us to see. And nobody is perfect, nor is any relationship. In today’s world of social media, where people put a good portion of their lives online for others to view and comment on, most of the time it is a highlight reel. From time to time someone will reveal something more personal, or allow a glimpse into their world where they may be struggling, but most of the time they are only sharing the good things; the beautiful family photos, the amazing vacation pictures, people laughing and toasting together at a dinner party. So it is hard for us to know what is really going on underneath the surface, or if there are any struggles or flaws. That’s why we are shocked when something goes awry. We feel like we missed it somehow. But we didn’t. They just chose not to reveal it.
Most of us put on some type of positive outward appearance. We want the beautiful house with the landscaped lawn for everyone to admire as they drive by. But that house may be falling apart, or may have a leaky basement or aging roof. Turn to the people on the inside, and more than likely things are less than perfect, even though the smiling family on the annual Christmas card would lead you to believe otherwise. So we all put on a bit of a façade so that we look pulled together in our lives, when things may be falling apart. But we are more alike in that then we realize. If you came to my house right now I would not allow you to open the closet doors, for fear of the avalanche of stuff that would come tumbling out. But it’s all kept hidden away. I am guessing if everyone revealed their cracks or flaws, we’d all have a lot to talk about as we realize how much we have in common. We may even nod our heads in agreement as we learn what someone else is going through or struggling with. So it’s important to support each other when these flaws are brought to light, or when a couple splits up or a family falls apart, or we learn the structure is not as sturdy as it appeared to be. With assistance from each other, and no judgment or scorn, we can help to repair what is damaged, or at least be a support beam to help hold up the pieces that may be crumbling.
Cracks in the Foundation
The house looked almost regal
As it silhouetted the sky.
People often paused and stopped
To stare as they walked by.
From far away, it appears to be
Such a strong creation.
But a closer look does reveal
Cracks in the foundation.
The walls inside are uneven
Causing pictures to be tilted.
But outside the lawn is plush and green,
With not one flower wilted.
The outward appearance is vital
To the family inside.
For anything less than perfect
Would be a mark against their pride.
The family who is living there
Puts forth the reflection
That life is indeed splendid,
And void of imperfection.
But the father speaks in harsh tones,
And has a callous touch.
The mother likes her mid-day drink,
Perhaps a bit too much.
Throughout the day, she’s unaware
Of how much she does consume,
While the timid little boy retreats
By hiding in his room.
Even the dog stays out of sight
As in the corner he cowers,
Hoping for a rapid walk
Since it has been several hours.
The daughter, barely a teenager
Always has her music blaring
To drown out the family’s noises
As she sits by the window, staring.
So it’s not just the foundation
That tries to hide its cracks.
The family inside tries to conceal
The harmony it lacks.
But isn’t that how most of us
Go about our day?
We hope cracks in the foundation
Don’t give us away.
We put forth a shiny smile
Or pretend a boastful laugh
So we looked pulled together
In the family photograph.
But all the while inside
The smiles are weak, the laughs are few,
As we try to keep the flaws
Hidden from public view.
What would happen if we’d reveal
Our imperfections, cracks and all?
Would we be greeted by nodding heads,
Or perhaps met with appall?
Would other’s step forward to admit
That they know how we feel?
Would they start to shed their layers
As their own cracks they reveal?
For its true – No one is perfect,
On that we can agree.
We all have cracks in our foundation,
At least to some degree.
But instead of sitting back
And watching foundations crumble,
We could lend support
When we see somebody stumble.
We can build each other up
And have each other’s backs.
Our support can act as filler
To help repair those cracks.
So the issue isn’t so much
That we all have cracks and flaws.
The issue is when we hide them
By putting up our walls.
For we cannot help each other
If we don’t know what is wrong
But together we can mend those cracks
So the foundation remains strong.
