In my second book, “Scatter Seeds of Kindness”, there is a poem called Humble Pie (https://thepracticalpoet.com/humble-pie-from-scatter-seeds-of-kindness/). This poem took root from the childhood chant “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” Except, as adults, we’ve learned that words can and do hurt, and sometimes cause irreversible damage.

Humble Pie was written from the viewpoint of the person who said the unkind words to another, and immediately felt the regret as they saw the pain take place in their friend’s eyes. After dealing with the fallout from the incident, and fearing they may have caused permanent damage to the relationship, the person went to the other with hat in hand and gave their most sincere apology, essentially eating some crow or humble pie. As the person in the poem learns, people do have such a great capacity to love and forgive, and these two friends were able to mend the relationship . . . this time. But a lesson was learned that emotions are not a toy.

This next poem is from the perspective of the person who was the victim of the unkind words, and their struggle to choose to forgive the person who hurt them. Forgiveness is a little bit like grief; you have to move through it in stages, and process the emotions along the way in order to move to the next stage as you come to terms with the situation. In this poem, you can hear the person moving through the stages and emotions: anger, resentment, aggression, depression, and then finally the realization that they miss the person and the friendship they’ve cultivated throughout the years. They also come to the conclusion that the negative feelings they’re holding onto are adversely impacting their own life, as anger tends to do.

Think about how you feel when you’re really angry with someone if they’ve hurt you or broken your trust. The anger, confusion, or disappointment may consume you and spill over into other relationships and parts of your life. You may hold onto the negative emotions and replay the scenario over and over in your head, becoming so wrapped up in the situation that you can’t enjoy the present. The anger may lead to depression or anxiety. But ultimately who’s the one being hurt here? It’s you. It’s not the person who caused the anger. They may not even be aware of how deep your feelings are. They may be greatly hurt, or they might be carrying on with their life as if all is well. But as long as these harmful feelings are consuming you, there’s no place for peace, gratitude, and hope in your life. So choosing to forgive another person doesn’t mean that you’re condoning the behavior. It’s not about letting the other person off the hook to release their guilt. It’s about letting yourself off the hook, so you can free up space in your mind and in your heart for the good things life has to offer.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a choice;
Of course I know that’s true.
But how on earth can I allow
Myself to forgive you?

I feel as though if I give in
I’m allowing for your action.
This is where my pride steps in;
To not give you satisfaction.

I know you know you hurt me
With the words that slipped your tongue.
You tried to pull them quickly back;
You tried to cut and run.

But you saw my face, my disbelief.
I couldn’t fathom what I’d heard.
How can someone cut another
With the spoken word?

The cut ran deep and opened wide.
I could not stop the bleed.
I saw your face, the look of shame,
The way your eyes did plead.

You rushed in with apologies
But it was just too soon.
I needed to protect myself,
Lest you infect the wound.

I know you had regrets—
They were written on your face.
I told you we’d discuss it
At some other time and place.

For I needed time to cool off;
Time to analyze
How someone I love so much
Could so harshly criticize.

You tried to reach me more than once
But I did not want to hear it.
Your action caused a ripple effect,
And damage to my spirit.

The stress that this is causing
Is destroying me inside.
I cannot concentrate;
And part of me has died.

I don’t like how I’m feeling
As I battle this depression,
Or how my mood will shift
And I’m tamping down aggression.

I know I’m not alone.
I know you suffer too.
And slowly I am realizing
How much I do miss you.

So I let a few weeks pass
Until I felt a little stronger.
I thought we should talk it out;
This couldn’t go much longer.

So I listened to your story
And I let you plead your case.
I could see all the remorse
That was written on your face.

I do believe you are sincere,
Of that I can’t deny.
I saw the tears roll down your face
As you ate your humble pie.

By holding onto such a grudge
It’s not just you I hurt.
So I truly feel the best thing
Is for our friendship to revert.

I know you want forgiveness,
So your guilt can release.
But I’m choosing to forgive you,
So I can find some peace.

-K.A. Bloch-