Did you know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month? I am grateful that there is an entire month devoted to bringing awareness to mental health and the day to day struggles that so many of us deal with. The previous month, April, was Stress Awareness month, which rolls right into May and Mental Health Awareness month. The pair really does go hand in hand. When our mental health is strained or out of balance, our stress levels and anxiety increases, which in turn impacts our mental health until we are in an unhealthy catch-22. The stress and anxiety may continue to build until we feel that we are on the brink of a breakdown, or that we somehow need to get it out before we explode.  But this kind of behavior is often shunned by those around us, so we struggle to keep it inside and not let people see how we are struggling, which in turn causes more damage to what may already be a fragile state of mind.

What would you do if you were walking down the street and saw someone yelling, or punching and kicking a wall? You’d probably cross to the other side of the street. Or if you were in line at a store or restaurant and saw someone losing their temper and yelling at the cashier for taking too long or getting their order wrong, you might take a step back, lest you get “sucked into the crazy.” In society, women especially are told to tamp down emotions, not make a scene, or the all-too common “calm down,” which always tends to have the opposite effect. Women are often stereotyped as too emotional, and we’re told from a young age that it’s not “ladylike” to show anger or negative emotions, or that we’re weak if we can’t deal with life’s stresses. Although anger is a normal human emotion, oftentimes we’re not allowed to display it, and we have to hold it inside where it festers.

Anger is like a balloon; if you squeeze it in, it’ll pop out elsewhere in some other way. That other way could be at a cost to our health or relationships, if we allow the anger to sneak out in sniping words or sarcastic comments. So sometimes we need to express our anger, and let it out so we can move past it and move forward. Recently, there’s been a new trend of anger rooms or “rage cages” popping up, where people can safely de-stress and break things, as they shatter TVs, paintings, plates and so on. These places have become more popular, as it has become known that we need to have a safe and productive way to get rid of the tension, stress, and anger that builds up in our daily lives.

When we’re really angry, we can’t make good or rational decisions. It’s in these moments when we might shout out that we’ll never speak to someone ever again, or we might slash someone’s tires, as in the famous Carrie Underwood song. But once we get rid of the anger and purge it from our system, we may find some clarity about the situation, and be able to look at things rationally and with a clear head, free from all the rage that had taken over our otherwise sensible head. I remember one time I was so mad, I threw my phone across the room and put a big hole in my kitchen wall. Afterwards, once a clearer head prevailed, I realized that I had only caused more work and inconvenience for myself, because now I had a wall to fix on top of everything else that was causing the stress. In retrospect, it was a stupid thing to do, but it felt right at the time, and every now and then something’s got to give. So anger can definitely be destructive, but sometimes we need to have these breakdowns in order to free ourselves from the emotions that are causing the negative build up inside of us. If we have a breakdown—or should I say when—it does not mean we are crazy or ready for a straightjacket. It means we are human.

Breakdown

Sometimes when life can be too much
And I am at my peak,
I feel like if I break inside,
It means that I am weak.

So I try to hold it all inside
And keep up a brave façade.
I tell myself it will all work out,
And I place my faith in God.

It’s hard to do, and harder still
To keep those good thoughts flowing,
And trust that it will all work out
Without really knowing.

So I smile at folks, and they smile back
And assume that all is well.
But they don’t know what’s in my head,
Or how the bad thoughts dwell.

So perhaps it’s better to break down
And release it all.
Maybe I should scream or shout,
Or punch or kick a wall.

Maybe I should throw something . . .
Would that make me feel better?
I feel energized inside,
As I try to hold it together.

But I know I won’t do anything,
For that is not my style.
I’d like to air frustrations out,
But I’ll just sit awhile

Until I feel anger subside
And bad thoughts start to fade.
Until they’re gone, I’ll smile and laugh,
And carry on with the charade.

One thing I know for certain,
And trust without a doubt—
Life may knock me down sometimes
But it will never knock me out.

So if I feel the need to shout
Or throw something across the room,
It does not mean I’ve lost my mind,
So you should not assume.

Sometimes the anger must come out
In ways you would not think.
It could be, getting it all out
Can keep one from the brink.

So if that helps me regain peace
Then that’s what I shall do.
Sometimes you have to break down first,
Before you can break through.

Once the anger has moved on
And calmness has resumed,
Then you can move forward,
Because clarity has bloomed.

-K.A. Bloch-