Last week marked the thirty sixth anniversary of my father’s sudden passing. I wrote about it in this blog post here (https://thepracticalpoet.com/his-garage-from-walk-through-a-field-of-flowers/), and also in this post which discussed not only the night he passed, but the confusion and shock that happens when someone leaves this world suddenly (https://thepracticalpoet.com/gone-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/.) This weekend commemorates the ninth anniversary of my mom’s passing, which seems like it was just yesterday. And last month our country recognized the twenty-fourth anniversary of September 11th. What do all of these events have in common? They are all anniversaries, but no one is hoisting up a glass to cheers each other in celebration of the event. Rather, they are all dates in which a moment of silence, rather than a clink of a champagne glass, is more appropriate.
This next poem follows that theme of commemorating a date, but not necessarily celebrating it. It didn’t start out that way though. When I first started this poem, I started listing off things a couple would know about each other after spending several years together. It read like an anniversary card that one might find at the local gift shop, with one person showing appreciation to the other partner as it listed out their time spent together and all the struggles, challenges, and rewards that came with that time as a couple. But then as they often do, the words took me in a different direction, and I realized that anniversaries can commemorate many different occasions, and not all of them are joyous or happy. Some anniversaries are a somber date on the calendar; an annual date set aside to reflect, remember, and pay homage to an event that occurred on that day. As much as we like to think of an anniversary as a celebration, that is not always the case. Sometimes it just marks the passing of yet another year where we reflect on that which is no longer.
Anniversary
You’ve seen me on my best days,
And you’ve seen me at my worst.
You’ve watched me count my blessings
And then swear that I’ve been cursed.
You’ve seen me cry in agony
And hang my head in prayer.
You’ve seen me gaze with apathy
As if I didn’t care.
You’ve watched me through my victories
And times I’ve felt defeated.
You’ve seen me run a marathon
And then witnessed me depleted.
You’ve seen me be so angry,
And you’ve watched me be so kind.
You’ve seen me pick up slack
That others left behind.
You’ve seen me shrug my tasks
Because there’s too much on my plate.
You’ve granted me apologies
So we can start with a clean slate.
You’ve seen me sick and weathered,
Then vivacious and so strong!
You’ve seen me at my best and worst
And loved me all along.
Throughout each of these emotions
And all throughout the years . . .
Through the crazy times and laughter
And the angry, bitter tears . . .
During the struggles and the hardships
And days of hearty wealth . . .
All the times of suffering
And challenges with health . . .
All the times you took care of me
And showed me such concern . . .
Putting your own needs aside,
Asking nothing in return . . .
Now I hold your hand
As you whisper your last breath.
And God takes over for me
To protect you now in death.
I’ll mark this date on my heart
As the day you left this world
As the memories unroll
Like a tapestry unfurled.
And they are overwhelming . . .
These memories that are rolling
Like a photo book inside my mind . . .
I cannot stop the scrolling.
And on this date a year from now
And all the years to follow,
This date will bring such heartache
And so many tears to swallow.
As I reflect upon our lifetime
And all the years along the way,
I wish for one more anniversary . . .
But I’d settle for just one day.
-K.A. Bloch-
