Are you similar to me in that you need the whirring of a fan or some other type of white noise to fall asleep? This is one of the things I must have, along with a cool room, darkness, and crisp sheets firmly tucked in. I never realized I was such a high-maintenance sleeper! The other things I can work around, but a fan is a nonnegotiable. I cannot fall asleep in pure silence. This makes it difficult to travel sometimes, especially if I am staying in someone’s home, so I have added a white noise app to my phone, which does the job nicely in a pinch.
Several weeks ago I had drifted into a fitful sleep when I heard something within my atmosphere change. I realized, as I started to come awake, that the fan had powered down and my room was in total darkness with no glow from the alarm clock. My room is next to the kitchen, so I could also hear the compressor on the refrigerator losing power, and I realized I had experienced a power outage. I live off a noisy street, so it is usually a truck going by or, in the summertime, a loud car stereo that jolts me awake. But this time what actually woke me was the silence. I thought of how odd that was: to be awakened out of a dead sleep by stillness or silence.
As I climbed out of bed to look out the window and assess the impact on my neighborhood, I started to contemplate all the ways that this outage would inconvenience me. Luckily, I had my phone with an alarm in the event that I did fall back to sleep. But how much battery did I have left? An even scarier realization was that the coffee pot would not work! Not to mention my laptop battery for work and even getting the car out of the garage for a morning appointment. There are so many ways that our lives are impacted by power, so anxiety naturally kicks in when it is lost. But then something unexpected started to happen. I started to enjoy the quiet and the stillness. I grabbed my e-reader with its built-in light (and thankfully a charged battery) and immersed myself with some quiet reading time on the couch. I was really beginning to enjoy this time of being unplugged from the world. As much as we rely on modern technology to get us through our days, sometimes there is value in embracing the stillness and sitting with our thoughts for awhile. Life is so crazy, and we are constantly running from place to place or from one device to the other. This can create chaos and anxiety in our worlds as we try to keep pace with it all. So even though the outage didn’t last too long, and I relished that hot cup of coffee as soon as it was available, I made a promise to myself to disconnect more often and enjoy the peace and stillness in small bites whenever possible. As much as we enjoy our toys and modern conveniences, it is this quiet, peaceful time that really adds value to our lives.
Jolted Awake by Silence
I am lulled into a dreamy sleep
By the whirring of a fan.
Sleep does not come easily,
But I do the best I can
As I rely on modern tools
Like the fan and the TV,
And in the morning, the alarm clock
Gets me where I need to be.
I sleep for several hours;
It is needed for my sake.
Then suddenly, without warning,
I am jolted wide awake.
I hear a cracking noise
And then the fan begins to slow.
The alarm clock has gone dark
And I’m missing its soft glow.
Oh, the dreaded power outage,
As my eyes adjust to black.
And irritation settles in
For the sleep that I’ll now lack.
The silence—it is deafening.
This silence is so loud.
The eeriness and stillness
Surround me like a cloud.
My cats absorb this silence
As their eyes dart around the room.
They anticipate this change of state
As some impending doom.
But it’s nothing that dramatic.
It’s just damage from the storm.
I am grateful for the summer air
For it helps to keep me warm.
It’s heavy—all this silence,
It is weighing on my chest,
As I accept the dismal fact
That no longer will I rest.
I let the silence sit on me
As I absorb its weight.
It’s burning in my ears,
And on my nerves it starts to grate.
But then I start to embrace it
As I enjoy the candle’s glow.
I realize, inherently,
That my breath’s begun to slow.
I find that I am welcoming
My world as it unplugs.
I allow the silence to wrap around
And caress me like a hug.
I take stock of how much power
That power really has.
Power has the power
To give our lives pizzazz.
Power lights the evening sky
And power fills our days.
Our lives revolve around energy
In a myriad of ways.
Computers, cars, coffee pots . . .
There’s almost too much to mention.
When our world suddenly goes silent,
We are jolted to attention.
Silence is so rare in life;
There’s always so much noise.
We panic in the silence
As we take stock of all our toys.
And as the silence carries on
And occupies my space,
I find I start enjoying
This shift that’s taking place.
The freedom from unplugging
And going silent for an hour
Is so hard to do in modern times;
There’s always so much power.
But there’s freedom in the silence.
There is peace within the still.
I feel myself embrace the calm,
And I close my eyes until . . .
I hear the whirring of the fan,
And I see the clock’s flashing light.
As electricity breaks through the dark
Like a thief that’s in the night.
And I mourn ever so slightly
As I’m pulled from my reverie
And bid goodbye to this time
That was set aside for me.
As I sat alone in silence
And I stared into the dark,
I enjoyed breaking from reality
And from a world that is so stark.
So perhaps I will embrace this more
And take more time to unplug.
But for now I switch on the coffee pot,
Grateful as it fills my mug.
And as I watch it filling,
I contemplate all the ways
That power has such power
To carry us through our days.
-K.A. Bloch-
