Did you know that 04/30 is National Honesty Day? This day is commemorated each year on April 30th, and challenges us to be truthful in all we do.
Most of us are guilty of telling little mistruths or white lies from time to time. I wrote this next poem about a past co-worker who I felt was a compulsive liar. That may seem like a harsh label to put on someone, but I came to know that if her lips were moving, she was probably lying.
After so much time listening to her stories and all the elaborate details, I would hear a different side of the story that she told to someone else. If I asked her about the discrepancies, she would spin into another tale. The thing is, I don’t believe she was lying out of spite. I think she just wanted to make herself look better or that she had a more exciting life than she really did. But as I listened to her stories, I began to pick out some of the pieces of truth within her story. So, even though much of what she said was false, there was some truth within the lies. I just had to hunt for it a little more.
As I mentioned above, most of us are guilty of telling little mistruths from time to time. I remember a few years back I was shopping with a friend at a well-known cosmetics store several towns from where I live. The sales associate that was helping me started telling me about an event happening the following weekend where the store would be offering makeovers, facials, and skin care consultations. She asked if I would be willing to sign up to participate in the event, and I casually said, “Oh, sorry, but I will be out of town.” When we left the store, my friend asked me where I was going. “Nowhere,” I said. “But you just told that salesperson you’re going to be out of town,” she said. I laughed and said, “Oh yes, I live in town A. The event is in town D. Therefore, I will be out of town.” My friend rolled her eyes and smirked a little at my deceitfulness. Could I have just told the sales associate that I wasn’t interested? Sure, I could have. But I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, or give her the opportunity to pressure me into coming to the event. So, the dishonesty slipped easily from my tongue.
I feel like we do that a lot . . . make up an excuse not to go somewhere or accept an invitation because we don’t want to hurt the inviter’s feelings. But we should be able to decline an invitation for any reason and not feel bad about it, even if that reason is because we want to plop on the couch and binge Netflix. We should be able to do that without guilt or without giving in to the pressure. I have given in to things that I don’t want to do because the person says, “You never want to go anywhere” (I do!), or “You always want to stay home” (I don’t!). But sometimes the thought of a quiet night at home is just more appealing than a night out, and that should be okay. Our friends and family should understand if we say we need a night to ourselves, or a night to regroup. Recently, mental health days have become more popular as employers realize that people need a day to just unwind and disconnect, and that should count for social events as well. We should not have to feel like we need to tell a little lie to get out of something. We should be able to be honest. But when feelings are involved, or when we think we might be pressured into doing something we don’t want to do, it is just easier sometimes to make up an excuse. Like my previous coworker, we’re not doing it to be deceitful, but there are reasons why we are choosing not to tell the truth. And let’s just hope that whoever we are telling this little lie to doesn’t choose to dig further to find the truth within our lie.
This poem tells the story of the journey of emotions that went on inside of me whenever I would encounter this coworker. But she never gave it a second thought as she went on to tell her tales to others. It’s so interesting how the things people say and do impact us so much, and yet they never even realize it as they go about their day. We carry the things with us throughout our days, and we allow them to occupy space inside our heads that could be taken up with better thoughts or ideas. I suppose that burden falls upon us as we let things impact us. As the following quote by Roy T. Bennett states, “You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can always choose how you respond to it.”
The Truth Within the Lie
A woman stood in front of me
And looked me in the eyes.
She told me of a story
That I knew was filled with lies.
She never flinched or faltered.
She never broke her stride
As she spewed so many details
And took me on a ride.
I knew the story was mostly false,
But she showed no hesitation
As she carried on and on
And I grew weary with frustration.
Later, as I recalled the story
I felt my anger grow.
How could she mislead me
As lies continued to flow?
I combed over the story
And I thought about her face
As she rearranged details as if
Putting puzzle pieces in place.
But the pieces did not fit
And the picture was incomplete,
As she carried on with her story
And never skipped a beat.
I knew I had to let it go
As I heaved a heavy sigh.
That’s when I decided to search
For the truth within the lie.
For she believed it to be true
And as much as she persisted,
That is when I realized
A glimmer of truth existed.
She spun quite a tale,
But it didn’t come from naught.
She just elaborated the truth
And hoped she wouldn’t get caught.
But somewhere in those details,
A bit of truth was hiding.
But as the lies overtook,
The truth began subsiding.
So I knew I had to look for it.
I knew I had to comb
Through details and embellishments
To bring the truth back home.
I never really did confirm
The truth within the lie.
Eventually I had to move on
And let the story die.
But I learned a lesson through it all,
And for reasons I’ll never know,
She felt the need to bury the truth
As the lies continued to grow.
I cannot blame her for this
As compassion took my hand
And told me not to judge her
And to try to understand.
For we never know the motives
Behind someone’s behavior.
Perhaps they want to spice up their life
And stories with more flavor.
Have you ever received an invite
But did not want to go?
You know the person would be upset
If you just told them so.
So you make up a reason
And say you have other plans
As you say a hopeful whisper
That the person understands.
But within that little lie
A bit of truth is there.
The truth is, you do have other plans,
Even if just sitting in your chair
And watching a scary movie
Or your favorite TV show.
For you, that’s enough of a reason
To tell the person “No.”
So we probably all are guilty
Of embellishing the truth.
We hope our lies are swallowed
And flow down smoothly like vermouth.
We hope the person accepts our answer
And that they do not try
To put forth too much effort
To find the truth within our lie.
-K.A. Bloch-
