In my third book, Gather Seeds of Hope: Poems, Prose, and Stories….With a Little Hope Sprinkled In, (https://thepracticalpoet.com/books/) there are a few poems and prose that discuss looking back on our lives, and perhaps wishing that things had turned out differently, or that we had done things in a different way. The poem “A Letter to Yourself” mentions writing a letter to one’s younger self in which the older person discusses how their life has gone so far, including things they wish could be changed. The prose accompanying the poem “Lessons” touches upon how people may be angry in life or carrying a burden from the past, or a memory they cannot shake, which is weighing them down in the present. All of these are forms of regret.
Regret is a strong emotion in which someone may feel sadness or disappointment about something they did or did not do, or a missed opportunity. Regret is actually a backward emotion, meaning it keeps us looking into the past, like a rearview mirror, rather than being present while still keeping our eyes on the horizon.
Daniel Pink, in his book The Power of Regret mentions the different types of regret a person may experience. One may feel an action regret, meaning something they did caused an action for which they feel remorse. Someone may experience an inaction regret for not taking an action, such as pursuing a job, going to college, or asking someone out on a date. Or one may suffer the effects of a moral regret, such as cheating or stealing. Of those regrets, according to Pink, the ones that stick with us the most are the inaction regrets, because those are really hard, if not impossible, to change. The opportunity is most likely gone now. That job is probably no longer available, or the person you didn’t ask out or get to know may be in a new relationship.
Regret can be a positive if we use it to propel us forward and make wiser decisions as we go through our lives. If we regret something we said or did to someone (the poem ‘Humble Pie’ from Scatter Seeds of Kindness deals with this), https://thepracticalpoet.com/humble-pie-from-scatter-seeds-of-kindness/, we can reach out and try to make amends and hopefully repair a relationship, and perhaps come out stronger. If we regret taking a job because it wasn’t the right fit, we may be motivated to research other positions and make a career move into a job that is a better fit and leads to greater job satisfaction. Journaling can also be a powerful tool when dealing with regret. Sometimes writing it down and analyzing it from an objective view can help one to see the issue from different sides and find some peace and clarity.
The people in this next poem are dealing with some pretty heavy topics, and these situations encompass all of the regrets listed above, and even cross over into both action and moral regrets. Many of us do not have such heavy regrets to deal with, and hopefully as we go through life, we can find some perspective and ultimately some peace with the choices we made or did not make. In all of these cases, we don’t have a time machine and cannot go back and change the past, but we can stop the regret from stealing from the future.
Regret
A man cheats on his girlfriend.
He doesn’t even know why.
When he finally confesses to her,
She swiftly tells him goodbye.
Years later it still haunts him.
He recalls it every day.
Especially since he thinks of her
As the one who got away.
One night a woman drinks too much
And gets behind the wheel.
She remembers running the red light,
And hearing the tires squeal.
Years later it still haunts her,
As her brain always retrieves
The sight of the boy who lost his life,
And the family that still grieves.
A young man steals some goods one day
As he wanders around a store.
He shoves them into his pocket,
And makes his way out the door.
He doesn’t know why he did it;
He had the money to pay.
But the price he paid was much greater,
As his arrest record does convey.
A woman stares at a pile of bills
From living beyond her means.
She’s sorry she missed out on college,
And for not following through on her dreams.
She wonders if it’s too late
For her dreams to still pursue.
Then shrugs and sighs in exhaustion;
There’s already too much to do.
What do these all have in common;
These scenes they cannot forget?
The past is haunting them daily.
I believe that is called regret.
Regret is a powerful emotion.
It can impact our lives each day.
It seems there is nothing we can do
To make it go away.
Regret is a backward emotion;
It keeps our thoughts in reverse.
It prevents us from moving forward,
And weighs us down like a curse.
Regret crashes a party
When we’re trying to have some fun.
It reminds us we shouldn’t be laughing,
And the jovial mood is done.
Regret appears in a movie;
A scene triggers a memory.
It takes center stage to remind us
How different our lives could be.
Regret takes the wheel while we’re driving
And the radio plays a sad song.
Regret puts the microphone up to our lips
And persuades us to sing along.
Regret takes a seat at a wedding
As someone watches the bride and groom.
Regret whispers “It could’ve been you,”
And sweeps memories in like a broom.
Regret is a bit of a bully,
Always trying to show us who’s boss;
Making us wear indiscretion
Around our neck, like an albatross.
So what can we do to fight back
And reclaim some peace and goodwill?
How do we move past mistakes
That regret tries so hard to instill?
We cannot go back in time
And correct the bad choices we made.
Perhaps the first step is forgiving ourselves,
And in time the memories may fade.
Maybe the next step is to find the good;
Embrace blessings and have gratitude.
There’s much in life to be grateful for.
By chance, that might help lift the mood.
That doesn’t mean to forget.
It will always be part of the past.
But making amends where we can
May help bring some peace at last.
-K.A. Bloch-
