Did you know that I have a YouTube channel? It is a fun channel with the same name as this blog where I do a weekly poetry reading featuring a poem from one of my books or something new that I just wrote. As with all new endeavors, there is a LOT of room for improvement with these videos and I am learning as I go along, but the most important part is that I am having fun with the process. I am enjoying, much like this blog, discussing my poems and the back stories (even if no one is watching my videos…yet!) However, it took a long time to dive into this new world of YouTube being on the other side of the camera, and putting not only my poems out into the world via video, but also my face and voice, was a very scary endeavor indeed!
When I was gathering up my courage to start the channel, I watched a ton of videos from other YouTube channels saying things like “just start”, “hit record and post”, etc. There were many videos talking about how YouTube is in “easy mode”; in other words, viewers are tuning into YouTube to see people who are real and authentic, and the days of overly produced or excessively edited videos have disappeared. All are welcome on YouTube, and all skill levels are invited to the party. This should have made the process more approachable, and it did, but I still wanted to put out a quality product and be proud of the videos that I was producing, so hitting record and just posting was a bit more of a stumbling block that I had to get over. But in the end, I couldn’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
While I was watching all of these videos from other creators telling the world to just hit record, there was one video where a woman mentioned that the top two things that hold people back from starting a YouTube channel are fear, and comparison. Well I definitely had the fear, as I discussed above, but the comparison didn’t come until after I had posted a few videos. Now that I am up and running and posting a weekly video, I am taking note of my analytics (A.KA. how many people watched the video and for how long, how many thumbs up or down did the video receive, and did it lead to any new subscribers?) These are all very important data measure points for those who start a YouTube channel to become monetized, or in other words, to start making money via ad revenue. Would I like that? Of course. Who wouldn’t want to make money with their craft? But like I mentioned, there are a lot of things in the way of analytics that precede a channel becoming monetized. So it is only natural to compare my channel with other new channels and to compare myself with other new content creators. I look at other newly established channels and see that their videos have hundreds or even thousands of views (good for them!) and many people are just speaking from the front seat of their cars and talking about a random topic and then posting without any editing at all. Am I envious of the number of views they are getting, especially when I am putting in so much time and effort? Definitely. But I need to remember my reasons for starting my channel, and it was never about the money or getting monetized via ad revenue. It was always about my videos being a creative outlet and a way for me to discuss my work. Do what you love and the money will follow? Maybe…or maybe not.
So even though it is only natural to compare myself and my videos and my channel with others on YouTube, I can’t let the numbers or lack of views bring me down. I am focusing on the process and all of the skills I am learning along the way: public speaking, editing, looking at the camera correctly. All of these are works in process and will help me in so many other aspects of my professional life and life in general. That is what I need to focus on….not what the other channels are doing.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” When I first read that quote, it was like a lightning bolt had hit me, as I realized just how often I compared myself or my life to others, and how it made me feel. It wasn’t a great feeling, as I would often feel down or defeated. How often do we compare ourselves to our friends or neighbors as we try to “keep up with the Joneses”? We could be feeling really good and even excited about our lives, our homes, or an upcoming vacation, and then we’ll see the neighbor drive up in a brand-new car, or tell us all about their dream trip of a lifetime. Suddenly, all of our excitement slips away and we feel inadequate, or less than, or that we need to purchase things we really cannot afford. I remember once several years ago, I spent the equivalent of almost a mortgage payment to purchase a Louis Vuitton handbag. It was lovely, but not really my style at all, but everyone had one. I carried it a few times and then it made its way into the back of my closet until it was eventually sold on a used luxury goods site. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we let this comparison steal our joy and make us doubt ourselves until we feel as if we need to increase or upgrade our material possessions in order to be worthy or fit in?
There are so many reality TV shows on now, and they take place in some beautiful cities, and the “housewives” on these shows always look so glamorous as they take their exotic trips and drive their fancy cars. But how many times are these people getting negative publicity in the news? Many are separated or divorced or their spouses are rumored to be having affairs. There are bankruptcies and lawsuits and arrests. When you peel back the layers, you see that all that glitters is far from gold. This is one time when comparison works in reverse. When I watch these shows or hear of these news stories, I compare myself to the people on TV, and I’m grateful that my life isn’t poured out into the media for all to watch and judge. I’ll take my quiet life and little house any day over the chaos that these reality “stars” are living through daily. Comparison may often be the thief of joy, but sometimes it’s the giver of contentment.
In this day and age of social media, it’s too easy to allow ourselves to sink into that comparison mode as we watch highlight reels of our “friends” on social media basking in the sun on a white sandy beach with a fruity drink in hand, while we’re stuck at work. Or those beautiful family pictures where everyone is smiling so perfectly, as we watch our own children or family get into arguments or have normal family disagreements. We ask ourselves what we did wrong, and why our family doesn’t look like the one smiling back from the computer. The truth is, we’re only seeing what people want us to see for the most part (although there are people who put EVERYTHING on social media; the good, the bad, the lunch they ate, and so on), and people usually only show the highlights of their lives, not the lowlights. There’s nothing wrong with that, and people have every right to be proud of their lives or accomplishments, and they should post them for the world to see if they so choose. That doesn’t mean, though, that we have to allow that post to get into our heads and cause us to doubt ourselves or our lives. Other people can post about their good fortune without it impacting our attitude or stealing our joy. After all, they’re not posting with bad intentions or wanting to make others feel bad. So we shouldn’t allow their post to bring us down.
Speaking of social media: how often do we measure ourselves by the number of “likes” or “shares” our post gets, or in the YouTube world, how many new subscribers or thumbs up? In our current world, “likes” and new subscribers equal validation, and we live for that validation, even from people whom we’ve never met or probably never will. What does it mean if hardly anyone likes a post or a video that we put up? Does it mean we’re unworthy? In 2019, Instagram began testing out a removal of the “like” button for mental health reasons and to “depressurize” people’s experience on the platform, so that people, especially younger people, would not compare their social media status with others. That’s how much social media can impact our psyches. Ultimately, they decided to keep the “like” button, but just the fact that they had to conduct such a study proves the influence that this little button has on our self-worth. A good book on this topic, written for the Young Adult genre, is Follows and Likes Is This All That I’m Worth?: Understanding Success in the Age of Social Media by Kristi Maggio.
There will always be people in life who have more than we do. But there will also always be people who have less. There are people who are living paycheck to paycheck, and can’t afford food or medicine. And those people may be looking at our lives with envy as they look at our good fortune. So how do we rein in this need to always compare? For one thing, we can distance ourselves from social media when we’re feeling weak or vulnerable. In another poem in this same book called The Evening News, I discussed how people need to turn off the television or the news when things start weighing them down, and the same feelings of despair or inadequacy can happen on social media too (Isn’t it ironic how social media can make so many of us not want to be social?). We can also list out all the things we are grateful for in our lives. It doesn’t have to be the big stuff like the job or the house. We can be grateful for a cup of coffee in the morning, a hot shower, or the person who let us go before him in the checkout line so we could make it to work on time. Once you start counting all the little things you’re grateful for, you can see how they multiply, and pretty soon there’s no room for negative emotions. Gratitude will end up kicking that comparison right to the curb as you reclaim your joy, and hopefully that gratitude will be contagious and spread to others who may be letting self-doubt steal away their bliss.
By the way, if I have awakened your curiosity and you want to check out my YouTube channel, here is a link: www.youtube.com/@ThePracticalPoet
I would be so honored and grateful if you would check it out!
The Thief
Comparison is the thief of joy,
At least that’s what they say.
How often do we compare ourselves
To others who come our way?
Does this hold any value,
Or does it plant a seed?
Do we suddenly aspire
To obtain something we don’t need?
All these pictures on social media . . .
It is a highlight reel.
When I spend too much time scrolling,
I don’t like how I feel.
There’s nothing wrong with my life,
And I really feel quite blessed.
But when I see what others have
My thoughts become obsessed.
Do the neighbors have a new car?
Mine has wear and tear.
Theirs is always washed and waxed;
How can I not compare?
Do I need a new TV?
Mine is just so small,
And has a big tube on the back;
Theirs hangs up on the wall.
Do I need new kitchen countertops
Or new appliances?
Will having all the latest trends
Help form alliances?
Where will I get the money?
There’s some room on the card.
I’ll pay it off in increments;
It doesn’t sound that hard.
Does my neighbor have brand-new clothes,
Or a new designer purse?
When I see her looking stylish,
It just makes me feel worse.
As I look down at my faded jeans
And baggy, heavy sweater
I wonder, if I had her look,
Would my life be any better?
She’s the hostess with the mostness
And yet she’s still so nice.
I serve cheese and crackers,
And hope that will suffice.
She thinks of every detail
Right down to the last minute.
Perhaps my life would be better
If folks like her weren’t in it.
But then, I think, it’s not her fault,
And it really isn’t fair
To place my own self-doubts on her
When I start to compare.
So comparison really is a thief;
I’ve let it steal my joy.
My life was going along just fine
Until I let envy destroy.
Comparison really is a thief;
It messes with my head.
I need to turn my focus
To the good things instead.
So maybe I will step away
From things that cause concern.
Being satisfied with what I have
Is a great lesson to learn.
There is nothing wrong with my life
And I really am quite blessed.
I have all I want, and more,
So I’ll give comparison a rest.
