In 1981, the film On Golden Pond was released, starring Katharine Hepburn and Henry Fonda as Ethel and Norman Thayer, an elderly couple who visited their summer home on Golden Pond each year. I don’t recall much about the movie all these years later, but I do remember how Norman (Henry Fonda’s character) seemed like such a curmudgeon, and his wife Ethel always seemed to be frustrat1ed with him, even though she tried to hold on to her patience. I remember realizing, as I watched the film, it was really fear that drove her frustration and anger toward her husband, as he seemed to be moving into more and more forgetfulness. I’m sure many of us can relate to this fear, as we see our parents, grandparents, friends, and even our spouses or partners displaying these moments of forgetfulness. There are many times when I walk into another room in the house, and for the life of me cannot remember why I came into that room. It usually hits me a few minutes later, but I’m fearful of the day it doesn’t come back to me, and I’m standing in a room alone, confused as to how I got there.
In 2004, the movie The Notebook was released, starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as the younger couple portrayed in the movie, and James Garner and Gena Rowlands as the same couple who are now in their senior years. This movie has quite a devoted following, and has several private groups on social media where people can discuss the movie along with other dedicated fans. This bittersweet love story begins in the 1940s and takes us through the lives of Noah Calhoun and the love of his life, Allie, until the end of the movie where they are elderly, and Allie is suffering complete memory loss. I don’t want to ruin the ending, but like On Golden Pond, we witness the devotion, fear, frustration and heartbreak as these lovers watch their partner’s minds and memories slowly disappearing, and they try everything they can to keep their life and love story alive.
Have you ever known anyone who had the awful experience of losing their possessions in a fire or flood Of course they’re upset about losing clothes, furniture or knick-knacks. But it is always the photos they seem to grieve hardest over, saying that all the memories are gone. Thankfully, we have the brain and our memory bank, so the memories aren’t lost; they just may no longer be in the physical form of a photograph or a book. But what happens when the mind goes? Then those memories really may be lost. That is why it’s so important to pass down stories, traditions, and even recipes. None of us will live forever, and when we’ve departed, or even when we’re still here but our mind has gone, then some of those memories really will be no longer. So cherish and protect these memories by passing them down, so that future generations can share in our stories, know their heritage, and honor the legacy of our lives and past generations.
This next poem is for the Norman and Ethels, the Noah and Allies, and anyone who has ever watched, with that helpless feeling, as someone they love slips into oblivion, taking all those precious memories with them. If nothing else, maybe this poem will help us to appreciate each other a little more; the good times, the frustrating times, and the times that pull on our heartstrings. Maybe we’ll realize that as much as we commemorate the big events in life, it’s really the smaller day-to-day routine things we’ll look back on and miss most of all.
Twilight
When the world becomes too blurry
And your sight’s no longer clear,
When you’re feeling the frustration
Because no longer can you hear;
When you become forgetful
And memories do fade,
I hope you will remember me
And the beautiful life we made.
When your appetite’s decreasing
And you’re no longer craving food,
I hope you’ll recall how my apple pie
Brightened up your mood.
When you no longer need your coffee
And no longer want some wine,
I hope you will remember our life
And how it was so fine.
When no longer can you drive your car
And you feel like freedom’s gone…
When I turn on the radio
And you cannot sing along…
I hope you will recall
Those Sunday drives we used to take,
And how we’d find the perfect spot
To have a picnic by the lake.
And when my memories start to fade,
For surely mine will too,
I hope I see you enter a room
And recognize it’s you.
When my memories become dim
I hope I still remember
How you held me warm and tight
On those cold nights in December.
I hope I still recall
All the things you used to do,
Like the way you took such care of me
When I was sick with flu.
Or when you made my favorite dinner
Because I’d had too rough a day;
How you rubbed my feet and shoulders,
And chased the gloom away.
The future is approaching
And it may not be so kind.
It will steal away our looks,
And take pieces of our minds.
But through it all I know
There is nothing we can do,
But pray that you’ll remember me…
And I’ll remember you.
