It is always interesting to me how as we go through life, certain dates stick out in our minds as dates or events that we will always remember. We remember without a notification going off on our phone, or a mark on the calendar, or a text message from someone who is also recalling this date. Some days are obvious ones that we remember and commemorate because they’re important; weddings, births, deaths. But other dates just always seem to pop up into our memories year after year when maybe we feel like the importance of that date has little value to us now, and that memory should have faded away like so other memories do.
This story happened thirty four years ago on October 5, 1990. And yet I still remember it clearly and I think about this date each year. Perhaps it is because the date just passed on the calendar, or because I am watching the Netflix reality series “Love is Blind”, and this experience was my own “Love is Blind” story. If you are not familiar with the premise of the Netflix show, an equal number of single males and females who are all looking for love and marriage are placed together in a building, but the sexes are separated from each other by these rooms called pods. The pods have a door on the male side of the building and also on the female side, and the participants are free to visit the pods throughout the day where they have a “date” with a member of the opposite sex. During these dates, they start to build connections with certain people, and cast off other people as being incompatible or not sharing the same values. As their connections get stronger and relationships build, one of the participants proposes to their “date” through the wall that separates them. If the person accepts their proposal, they meet the next day in a dramatic reveal, where they dress up to meet their new fiancée and music builds to a crescendo right before the doors open and they see each other for the first time. From there they go on a pre-honeymoon to an exotic beach location where they room together and really get to know each other. We, as the viewers, are able to follow their story. The show concludes when the couple has to face the altar eight weeks later in a real marriage ceremony where they have to say the traditional “I do”, or in some cases, “I don’t”. If one person in the couple says “I don’t”, the couple is supposed to break it off and not see each other anymore. But I have watched enough seasons of this show to know that some people do still continue their relationship after being left at the altar, as they feel like they need more time to get to know the other person (Gee, do ya think?!)
The following story and poem, featured in my first book “Walk Through a Field of Flowers”, tells my story where I felt like I had fallen in love with someone who I had never met but had an intense phone relationship. Was love blind in my case? Read on to find out.
“Many years ago I had a long distance telephone romance with one of my customers at work. He lived on the East coast and would call in daily with his order. We would talk about our weekend or upcoming plans, and then eventually he started asking for me when he called in. Conversation turned to flirting, and taking way too long on the calls, which my boss was none too happy about. Eventually we exchanged home phone numbers. We would talk on the phone every couple of nights for hours long into the dawn, driving our phone bills up into the hundreds of dollars, as this was before the days of cell phones and prepaid minutes, or Skype or Facetime. We had no idea what the other looked like. We did our best to describe ourselves to each other, but honestly that was such a small part of our connection, which was really based on emotions and not physicality. The feelings were growing very strong and we knew we had to meet, so finally he booked his flight. Well of course you can imagine my anticipation as I waited at the airport gate (this was before 09/11 when you could still go to the gate and wait for a flight or see someone off). When he finally got off the plane we embraced of course, but that was the extent of it. There was no chemistry at all! Without a phone in between us, we literally had nothing to say. It was so awkward, and to call it a letdown would be an understatement. We had a nice weekend regardless, but when I watched his plane take off on Sunday evening I felt a range of emotions from confused, to letdown, and finally contentment.”
A Guy I Knew…
I watched you walk away from me
My fingers wave good-bye.
I see that jet plane carry you
Into the blackened sky.
I press my face against the pane,
An imprint marks my nose.
My tear-streaked face looks like the glass
Where condensation flows.
I wonder what you’re thinking now.
Are your thoughts one big blur?
Don’t you see, this trip was good.
We had to know for sure.
For all those months of waiting
And all those miles apart
Were weighing heavy on my mind
And damaging my heart.
We had to see this whole thing through,
Let nature take its course.
But we were like two magnets
Emitting the same force.
When we came too close together,
We quickly pushed away.
We were so much alike, it seemed,
We had nothing to say.
When you take a friendship
And try to make romance
You may end up with nothing,
There always is that chance.
But we were both so loving.
Our friendship was so warm.
I thought that we were strong enough
To weather any storm.
Yet sometimes things just don’t work out,
And one thing I have found,
The ones you count on most in life
Can sometimes let you down.
If and when that happens,
There’s not much you can say.
Just gather up your self-respect,
And proudly walk away.
Today I watched a sad movie,
The tears shed at its end.
I wanted to rewind that show
And play it all again.
I felt the same way that I felt
When I watched you walk away.
As if our lives were a movie
I wanted to replay.
For our story was one I would
Most certainly repeat.
The feelings were so special,
The memories, bittersweet.
I didn’t feel hurt this time;
No gnawing, numbing pain.
I only saw the rainbow
But there wasn’t any rain.
I felt relief flow through my veins.
I felt so young and free,
As if these past months I was blind
And once again could see.
I watched that jet plane carry you
Home where you belong.
Our hearts now know the answer
That our minds knew all along.
I feel like such a winner,
For along with dignity
I have another chance to find
The one who’s right for me.
So as you can see, love was not blind in my story, on either side. He was not attracted to me or me to him. As humans, I do think it’s hard to not get caught up in looks when we meet someone. We are all attracted to certain things, and conversely put off by certain characteristics and traits, and it is hard to gauge if these traits exist when we cannot see the person. Are they taller than me? Do they smell nice? Do they chew with their mouth open? Are they kind to others? These are things that are important to most of us, yet we only get answers to these questions when we are around the person and spend time together. Is it right? No. I would love for someone to love me or be attracted to me for who I am, and not what I look like or don’t look like. But the reality is, we are physical and sexual beings, and most of us cannot just fall in love without at least knowing if a physical connection exists, even a small one that can be built upon. Hope can exist, but usually not in a bubble (or a pod). Reality has a way of creeping in through the cracks.
I am glad my story ended with us walking away from each other, and not with me continuing to pursue someone who clearly, from the time the plane doors opened, was not attracted to me. This story helped to build who I am today, even if I didn’t realize it at the time, and as I mourned the loss of this relationship. Perhaps that is why my subconscious will always remind me of this date every year. Maybe it is a reminder of the time I chose me¸ above all else, heart break and all. And also a reminder that life does go on amid loss, and oftentimes we end up better than we would have if the situation had continued. These are pretty good things to always keep in the forefront of our minds. That is what makes 10/05/1990 a pretty important date to mark on my calendar and commemorate each year.
