It is the holiday season, and as the songs and commercials remind us, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year.” But unfortunately that is not the case for everyone. The holiday season can be a very hard and trying time for many people who are struggling. Suicides increase during this time of year, as do feelings of loneliness and depression. Even if someone has a happy home and family life, there could be other factors that intensify the negative feelings of the holidays. The holidays, and all of the jolly movies and songs tend to bring forth the expectation that everyone should be joyous and happy during this time of year. Those who are struggling with illness or just overall malaise may feel like there is something wrong with them, or like they are a social outcast for not being able to partake in all of the festivities due to their heart feeling heavy. The holiday season can be a tiring and stressful time, with all of the invites and expenditures, and a family or couple who is already strained under normal circumstances may find themselves bending or even breaking during this season as they try to meet everyone’s expectations, and feel like they are failing miserably.
But the holidays are not the only time that feelings of darkness overtake, nor is it the only time when suicides take place. My own life was impacted by suicide when the husband of someone very close to me took his life one night. I see the ripple effect of his actions even years later, and the questions that still remain unanswered. When someone commits or even contemplates suicide, and I am just hypothesizing because I have never been in that mind frame, I don’t think they are thinking of the chaos, guilt, and confusion they will leave behind. They are so consumed by their own darkness that anything outside of that is unforeseen in their eyes. They are looking for a way out of the gloom, and taking their own life seems to be the better of the two options. I can’t imagine being in that much pain. Afterward, the family typically asks themselves and each other how they missed the signs. But sometimes there are no signs. Sometimes the person suffers in silence for a long time until they can’t anymore. I can’t imagine being in such a dark place that death seems to be the better option. How heartbreaking, and anyone feeling that way is certainly worthy of our sympathy.
During the Covid-19 lockdown that began in March 2020, I started to see several commercials and public service announcements (PSAs) where people were checking in on friends and family to make sure they were doing okay. This is because many people began to feel isolated or cut off from society as their life was essentially put on hold, no longer able to go to work, school or social events. This isolation often led to depression, and in some cases suicides. I mentioned in another poem called Evening News from this same book, how much politics can impact our health, but it is not just politics. Any world or even local event can gnaw right down to our core, leaving us feeling hopeless and depressed. Some of us can pull out of it and look at the events objectively, realizing there is little we can do. But others take it more to heart, and can find themselves sinking lower and lower. This year, many people are feeling angry and downright depressed as we just had an election in the US, and for many people their candidate of choice did not win. There will be a change of administration in the next month and many people are having a hard time coming to terms with this change. Are they suicidal over it? Probably not. But they may be dealing with feelings of hopelessness or uncertainty, and those feelings are anything but bright and cheerful, proving again how politics and world events can impact our moods, even though most things are outside of our control.
In my second book, Scatter Seeds of Kindness: Inspirational Poems and Short Stories about Life, Love, and the things that Shape our Souls…, I have a poem called “My Bubble,” which talked about isolating oneself inside the bubble of one’s home. Personally, I enjoyed being home in my bubble, but I tend to be a homebody. I can see how someone who was used to an active social life outside the home may have struggled under the lockdown. In addition, in the prose that accompanies “My Bubble,” I also touch on society, and how non-conformance to what society deems as “normal” can make someone feel like an outcast if they fall outside of these parameters. They may crawl into their bubble and isolate themselves from friends, family, and society at large. It’s important that we take note of when someone is isolating, or doesn’t seem like themselves. If something seems off, or if they appear to be struggling or withdrawing, it’s our duty as their loved one to inquire and make sure they’re okay and that they don’t need assistance or someone to talk to. However, this can be a frustrating feat for the person checking in, as we cannot force anything, and the person may hide their feelings, choosing to put on a brave face. Ultimately, we’re not responsible for the mental health of anyone but ourselves, but we need to do our best to make sure we’re recognizing the signs and asking if the person is okay. There is an acronym called ALEC, which stands for Ask, Listen, Encourage and Check in. Start by asking the person how they’re feeling, and pointing out any changes you’ve noticed. Listen to what they’re saying and not saying (observe body language), and give them your full attention. Encourage them to focus on the good and simple things that could improve their outlook, and check in a day or two afterward to see how they’re doing and to reinforce that you do care and are there for them if needed. At the risk of sounding like a PSA myself, if you see something, say something, before it’s too late.
Darkness
I wish you had reached out to me.
I wish that I had known
How life was leaving you
Feeling desperate and alone.
I wish that I had been there.
I wish I still could be.
But the darkness that encompassed you
Stole you away from me.
The shadows that surrounded you
Swallowed you like a cloud.
I wish that you had said something…
Or shouted it out loud.
For people tend to get caught up
In their daily world.
It’s hard sometimes to notice
When another’s life has unfurled.
That doesn’t make it right.
That is not an excuse.
But you pulled away from everyone;
Morphed into a recluse.
That should have been a sign.
That surely was a clue.
But then I felt the disconnect
And didn’t know what to do.
If I could step back in time
I’d pound on your front door.
I’d make a nuisance of myself
So you could not ignore.
I’d make you speak to me
And tell me of your woes.
I’d chase away the darkness
And keep you on your toes.
But of course you would not want that
And you’d make me go away.
You’d tell me that you’ll speak to me
On some other day.
You’d smile and say you’re doing fine
And that there is no sorrow.
But you’d be lying, for now we know…
For you, there’s no tomorrow.
