We are in the final week of May and Mental Health Awareness month. But the awareness of and focus on our mental state is something we need to embrace during the rest of the months of the year as well. I am pleased to see more focus on mental health from employers and the world at large. In previous generations, like my parents, they would have been fired if they called off work to take a “mental health day”. Now those days are encouraged by employers, with suggestions to step away from work and partake in activities that are stress free and enjoyable. In recent years, many health care plans have been expanded to include therapy or mental health support. This is a good thing. The world is a very stressful place right now, and anxiety in many people, myself included, is very ramped up. I recently did a blog post featuring the poem Anxiety from this same book (https://thepracticalpoet.com/anxietyfrom-sow-seeds-of-wisdom/). People are finding various, and sometimes unhealthy ways to deal with the pain and uncertainty of day to day life, such as drinking too much or eating their feelings, or having the desire to punch or throw something. In recent years, rage cages or axe throwing have increased in popularity, as people have found these places to be a good outlet to let out their anger in a safe environment. Here is a blog post from my third book “Gather Seeds of Hope” that deals with feelings of anger and frustration that tend to build up inside of us until we feel we might have a breakdown (https://thepracticalpoet.com/breakdownfrom-gather-seeds-of-hope/). The poem Breakdown and the prose that precedes the poem also expand on the feelings some of us, especially women have about how it is not viewed as “acceptable” or “lady like” to yell or raise our voice. We are often given a derogatory name such as “aggressive” or bitchy”, or told to “calm down”, which often has the opposite effect. So many of us just swallow our anger until it becomes like a balloon, and expands in other unhealthy ways until it eventually pops.
As we go through life and deal with difficult situations, such as break-ups, divorce, or even loss through death, it may be tempting to use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. This is understandable, although not the healthiest or wisest way to deal. It really puts the problem on pause, as it doesn’t do anything to resolve the pain other than add new physical pain to the mental anguish once the imbibing wears off. But sometimes we just need a temporary reprieve from the pain and an opportunity to forget for an hour or an evening. As long as it doesn’t carry on night after night, create more destructive behavior, or, of course, lead to getting into a car and driving home.
There is a line in this poem that touches on suicide. Although parts of this poem were inspired by actual events, this part of the poem is not autobiographical (nor is the drug use). At the risk of sounding like a Public Service Announcement, if you or someone you know is in a lot of pain, please take steps to get the help needed. There are many resources available to help navigate the difficult twists and turns of life.
I have to admit, this is one of my favorite poems from this book. I love the darkness of it, and the internal struggle the person feels as they try to cope. I am one of those weird people who don’t always love a happy ending at the end of a novel or a movie. I like when a book has a more realistic ending, which oftentimes isn’t the fairy tale ending we all grew up listening to as our parents read us a bed time story that ended with “And they lived happily ever after”. A realistic, and sometimes melancholy ending sticks with me longer, and gives me more to ponder as I think about the characters for days after, wondering if they could have done something differently to secure that happy ending. Much like in life, sometimes we do or say things that lead to an ending we weren’t prepared for, and we have to pivot and live on with the what-ifs and regrets of the decisions we made (https://thepracticalpoet.com/regret-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/).
I have seen the destructive ways that alcohol can impact lives, so I am careful to reel it in when I feel like I may be relying a little too much on these spirits to help me through tough situations or stressful days. When life hits hard or the days are hectic, it is very easy to reach for that bottle, and then pour another and another. I have done it, but again I am also very aware of the negative effects, and I know when I am stepping too close to that fine line. But sometimes, to get through the really tough days, we may find that we need just a little . .
Just a Little…
Just a little shot of whiskey
To help to numb the pain.
Just a little glass of wine
To help relieve some strain.
Just a little hit of grass
To make my mind forget.
Because nothing else is working
And my brain has not stopped yet.
Just a little crying fit
To help get it all out.
Just a little clarity
To help remove some doubt.
Just a little tequila . . .
And then a little more.
Just a little shot
That turns into a larger pour.
Just a little line of white . . .
Please hand me a straw.
Just a little hit to deal
With pain that is so raw.
Just a little snowy powder . . .
Please hand me that spoon.
I know that with each sniff I take
Relief is coming soon.
Just a little vein,
Begging to be cut.
To let the blood flow out
And free the clenching in my gut.
So many harsh emotions,
Pulsing through that vein.
Each throb is like a drumbeat,
Keeping rhythm with the pain.
I know with just one little slice,
That pain would all release.
As the anguish leaves my body
I will finally find some peace.
But even I’m aware
That this is a step too far.
As I’m jolted back to reality
On this stool next to the bar.
Just a double on the rocks,
Then a second, then a third.
Keep them coming until both
My eyes and mind are blurred.
I won’t worry about the morning
Or how badly I might feel.
It can’t be any worse
Than this pain that is so real.
So Bartender, keep them coming
Because they haven’t hit me yet.
Please keep lining them up
Until I finally can forget.
Just a little more
To help me make it through.
Just a little numbness
To help me forget you.
Just a little sleep
To help forget my sorrow.
Just a little peace
Until it hits again tomorrow.
-K.A. Bloch-
