Love can be intoxicating or it can be toxic. It can leave you breathless…or gasping for air.
Last weekend we commemorated Valentine’s Day, and in honor of that day and I posted a poem that I wrote when I was in my teens about two childhood sweethearts who were fortunate enough to grow old together (https://thepracticalpoet.com/and-as-we-grew-from-walk-through-a-field-of-flowers/). Valentine’s Day is a nice way to celebrate that special person in your life with a little extra love and romance, and of course some chocolate. Love is such a strong emotion and consumes our lives in so many ways, so it’s no wonder we have a day dedicated to it.
But what about those who don’t have a current partner or spouse to celebrate with? No one wants to feel left out if they are recently divorced, or if a relationship has just ended or is not in a good place. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. Over the past few years a couple of new trends have emerged to take into account those who may not have a love interest. Girlfriends have started to celebrate Galentine’s Day, often on the eve of February 13, as a way to get together with our besties and drink a toast to the friendship, and probably gripe a little about our partners, or lack thereof. I like this tradition, as my girlfriends are so important to me, and this gives me a reason to share some love, laughter, sometimes tears, and always wine! Along the lines of Galentine’s day is Palentine’s Day, which spreads love and good cheer to all of our pals, both male and female.
Another tradition that I just learned of is Singles Awareness Day. This day, commemorated each year on February 15th, serves as a complement to Valentine’s Day for people who are not married or in a romantic relationship, and reminds us that there’s nothing wrong with being single. More and more people are single by choice, and this gives them a day to honor that choice and celebrate their independence and freedom.
Over the years there have been way too many movies for me to count that center around love, in either a good or bad way. What is your favorite kind of movie to watch? For me, I really love a psychological thriller. Remember Fatal Attraction? I love movies where the main character meets someone who seems perfect, but we, as the audience, know they are not. We watch as the romance progresses, and we cheer the main character on as they begin to notice some flaws in the relationship. The protagonist starts to doubt who this new person is in their life, and they become suspicious of their motives as they get increasingly more nervous or even petrified. They begin to question their own judgment and ask themselves how they could have misread this person or allowed themselves to get into this situation. The antagonist starts to sense them pulling away, and they tighten up the reins on the person to try to pull them back in, which always backfires.
Maybe I have watched too many Lifetime movies, but that theme was the inspiration for this next poem. Love can be that euphoric feeling that takes our breath away. We might feel like we can’t breathe without the other person there, or that we will die without them near (a bit of an exaggeration but new love can be quite intoxicating). But it can also be that stifling or constricting feeling if the other person is not the right fit, or putting too many demands on us, or wanting us to act or behave in ways that are outside of our beliefs or character.
In this poem, the main character is so happy and excited to have met someone new, and she quickly starts to fall in love. But she begins to feel squeezed when the other person in the relationship starts to become a little too possessive. The main character starts to feel stifled as she feels the relationship shifting into a dark place and becomes disheartened as she sees her dream romance start to fade away, if not turn into a nightmare.
I can easily see how this could happen. When we are alone and want so badly to meet someone, we are on cloud nine when it finally occurs. We celebrate that we won’t have to sit through another Valentine’s Day alone. We don’t want anyone to rain on our parade, so we ignore the warning messages from friends and family. We may even cut ourselves off from them as we protect and defend the very person they are warning us about. We might hunker down with this person, or move away from the critical eyes of our loved ones, all the while denying the alarm bells going off in our head. In psychology, there is a term called cognitive dissonance, which has to do with conflicting feelings we may have about something and the mental and emotional toll it takes on us to justify that which we know should not be justified.
In my third book, Gather Seeds of Hope, there was a poem called “Guardian Angel” which spoke of this little voice of intuition that kicks in to give us warning signs that something isn’t right (https://thepracticalpoet.com/guardian-angel-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/). So, even as we are defending this new love, inherently we know that something is very wrong. Eventually, that voice gets so loud that we can no longer ignore it, and we know we must employ our fight-or-flight instincts and get ourselves out of the situation. Thank goodness for these instincts and our guardian angels who always have our backs, if we only allow ourselves to listen.
This realization and the subsequent actions to remove oneself from the situation are more than enough reason to celebrate being single, on 02/15 and all the other days of the year.
By the way, this poem was written from the viewpoint of the female, but it very easily could have been a male voice. As the movies I’ve watched have shown, either gender can bring the crazy into a relationship. That’s not exclusive to males.
Suffocated
Once upon a time,
As many young girls do,
I dreamed about the day
When life would bring me you.
And then it finally happened,
And my life felt so complete.
I had such grand hopes of
The dreams you’d help me meet.
So many plans and wishes
That I hoped we’d both achieve.
The world offered you to me,
And I was ready to receive.
Things started out so carefree
As we enjoyed our new romance.
You bowed and offered me your arm,
And I was so eager to dance.
We started on a journey
That we both did adore.
But then you said three little words,
And I felt them to my core.
I imagined these three little words
Would give me such a lift.
But it seemed it was at that moment
I felt the ground beneath us shift.
I felt my breath suck in,
And the world seemed to change.
It did not make any sense to me
As to why I felt so strange
I could not seem to fathom
All the feelings that I felt.
It was like you pulled me close to you
And tightened up your belt.
I could not breathe; my breath was gone . . .
My lungs felt suffocated.
I was drowning in confusion
When I should’ve been elated.
For when you said you loved me,
You claimed me like a prize.
It was precisely at that moment
I felt anxiety rise.
Before you said you loved me,
My life was all my own.
I didn’t spend my afternoons
Running from the phone.
Before you said you loved me,
I hardly ever cried.
Now I always have a box
Of tissues by my side.
Before you said you loved me,
I had freedom, I had choices
Then you came for me
With all your threats and crazy voices.
Before you said you loved me,
I was really not aware
Of how quickly the dream I had
Could change to a nightmare
When you said you loved me,
I felt so suffocated.
I wanted love so badly
That my self-respect I traded.
So it is for these reasons
That I must set myself free.
My fight-or-flight kicked in,
And so I chose to flee.
I really don’t believe that love
Should feel like such a chore.
So yes, I know you love me,
But I love my own self more.
-K.A. Bloch-
