Have you ever had a pet that you had such a strong bond with that it felt almost otherworldly, as if you had been connected in another lifetime or perhaps many other lifetimes? There have been many pets in my life, some living and some crossed over, that I have a very strong connection with and I considered them “my babies” and I, their “Mama”. But every once in awhile one comes along and you just know the connection is different. It is more intense in ways you can’t really explain. This is a soul pet. With a soul pet, you have an almost out of this world connection with them and they with you. You bond with them at a deeper level than other pets in ways you can’t really explain. You feel a spiritual connection with this animal. When you have that connection, you just know it. And you soul knows it too. For me, that soul pet was Chloe.
Chloe:
We adopted Chloe in September of 2013 after a random trip to a shelter after losing our eight year old cat Ginny from kidney failure. Ginny was a short legged orange and white tabby who looked like a basketball with legs and we loved her dearly. Our hearts were shattered when we learned of her diagnosis at such a young age, and so to heal our broken hearts I went to check out some local shelters, “just to look”. I walked into the kitten room at the last shelter of the day, and a little orange and white kitty with short legs stopped right in path, turned her head to the side with her tail high up in the air and just stared, as if to say “There you are.” I immediately scooped this kitten up and she (although I didn’t know at the time if the kitten was male or female and didn’t really care) started purring so loudly. Our connection was immediate and I knew I had found my new best friend. Her shelter name was Copper, but Chloe seemed to fit her better, and so her name was changed.
Through the years, my bond with Chloe grew stronger and stronger. I loved all of my kitties beyond measure, but Chloe was really special to me. I was definitely her Mama and she was my baby. She never stopped purring either. Even in her sleep, she purred. I used to hold her like a baby (which she hated!), and I would look into her eyes and tell her that either she was my baby or I was her baby in a former life, or that somehow we had a connection that went beyond this world. She would gaze back into my eyes for a few seconds, and then start giving me the side eye so she could plan her escape from my arms. “Ok baby girl, go play,” I would tell her reluctantly. At some point she started sleeping next to my pillow up against the headboard of my bed, and I would often reach over in the middle of the night and hold her paw while she slept, both snoring and purring simultaneously. Happy girl.
One night in late March 2024, I had a dream about Chloe that shook me. I have always had a fascination with alligators, and every time I visit my friends in Florida, from the time they pick me up at the airport I am on “alligator watch”. I really want to see one (from a distance) in its normal habitat. At home I live next to a small pond filled with ducks and geese, and I can see this pond when I work from home and look to my right out the window. In my dream, I was working at my desk and I turned to look out the window at the pond, and noticed an alligator in the pond. This should have been alarming, but this was a dream, so I shrugged and went back to work. I looked back out the window, and the pond was now filled with alligators! You couldn’t see the water for all of the alligators. Then I looked down and saw Chloe standing on the back of one of the alligators. She had her tail high up in the air and her head turned to me, similar to when I saw her in the shelter. She looked calm and happy, but I was anything but, as in my dream I bolted down my stairs and out the front door to rescue her from her alligator ride. For some reason, because dreams are weird, I was wearing very high heeled shoes, which slowed down my run to get to her. I woke up before I could reach her, and when I awoke, I was breathing heavily and my heart was racing. The first thing I did was to reach over for her paw, and she was there next to me, as she always was, purr snoring away. I thought about that dream many times in the following weeks, for reasons I didn’t know at the time. But I do now.
On May 2, 2024, a few weeks after that dream, I woke up at my usual time and noticed that Chloe had jumped down from the bed at some point in the early morning hours, which wasn’t unusual as she would often get up before me. I thought I had heard her cry out but wasn’t quite sure, as I do have other cats in the house. I went into my office to log onto my computer to begin working for the day, when Chloe came running in vocalizing very loudly. She was favoring her front paw and she leapt onto my desk and immediately lay on her side panting hard. I stroked her side as I mentally assessed the situation. She jumped down and started to limp away with her paw in the air, crying out in a way I had never heard before; a high pitched shrieking sound. I thought maybe she had jumped down from a high countertop and sprained her paw, as she was quite a big girl. I figured I would watch her for a bit and see if the limping got worse and required medical attention. The limping calmed down a bit, but the vocalizing got louder. She started to seek comfort by doing odd things, like trying to squeeze under the couch and walking around confused. I went back into my office to put my Out of Office message on, because I figured a trip to the vet was in order, when Chloe ran under my desk, lay on her side, and urinated. This was very odd because she was fastidious about using her litter box. But again, I thought with her sprained paw maybe the litter box was too high for her. I scooped her up and put her in the carrier, which she didn’t fight at all, and took her to the emergency vet, with her crying out the whole time. I expected I would be coming home with her front leg in a cast, and as I drove I started to make a mental checklist of the things I would need to change up in the house to accommodate her while her leg healed. The vet technician took her back immediately and within five minutes the veterinarian came in to tell me that Chloe was in rapid heart failure. No! Not my Chloe! The doctor told me she had something similar to a stroke, and a blood clot had broken free and lodged itself into her front paw, which explained the limping. They mentioned it was very painful, hence the vocalizing and that they had eyes on her because they felt she was going to pass at any time. I begged for something, anything to be done. Surgery, a transplant…anything…we would pay! We would find the money! But there was nothing they could do. Luckily, she held on until my boyfriend could arrive about a half hour later due to rush hour traffic. We said good-bye to her while she lay in her bed on my lap, still vocalizing, but less frequently now, and less intense. I had to let her go.
Within a day or two of her passing, I started to witness odd things happening. Chloe liked to lie in the cabinet under the kitchen sink, so we had cleared a spot for her free of dish detergents and cleaning products where she could relax in her little cubby. We would laugh because she always managed to pull the cabinet door open to get inside, but getting out of the cabinet was a struggle for some reason. When she wanted to exit, we would hear three thumps. That was her pushing on the cabinet door, and it closing before she could exit. Thump thump thump we would hear over and over, until she finally figured out how to quickly push through the small opening during one of the thumps. The second or third night without her, I got into bed, and I heard thump thump thump. I got up to investigate, and as I walked into the kitchen, the cabinet door opened and a shadow of an orange cat came out. My other orange cats, Bailey and Missy were sleeping or lounging in the other room. I can’t explain that, and so I don’t even try. I just smiled and said “Goodnight Clo…go to bed”.
A few other things happened that I can’t explain, like a loud meow out of nowhere when all the other cats were sleeping or out of sight. Chloe had a distinct meow, like a gravelly voice, and that is what this sounded like as it rippled through the silent air. Lastly, a few years back we had picked up one of those little plastic toy license plates with first names on them that you find at truck stops or travel centers. They are really intended for children, who get all excited when they find their name. They like to put it on the door to their bedroom so there’s no mistaking whose room it is, like a “Keep Out” sign. We found a license place that had “Chloe” on it, and we had it resting on a little shelf above our wine glass cabinet. One morning when she was on my mind a lot, I walked into the living room and I heard something fall. One of those long lighters that we use to light the fireplace had fallen off the shelf, out of nowhere, and pulled the Chloe license plate down with it. But the odd thing is, the lighter wasn’t even touching the license plate. Things that make you go “Hmmmm…” I took it as a sign from Chloe that she was still very near, and wanted to bring me comfort as she knew I was missing her that morning.
Clover:
A few weeks after Chloe’s passing we were grilling outside on a warm spring night, enjoying some wine, whiskey, and cheese. My boyfriend was scrolling through the iPad and was looking at the site PetFinder, which represents shelters from all over and features pets that are available for adoption. From time to time he would flash the screen my way to show me a cute little kitty (I mean, they’re all cute, but these were primarily orange cats, since that is what we are drawn to, going back to Ginny). He showed me one picture of a little orange female kitten named Calypso standing on a staircase, and something about the photo made me pause and hold my breath. The cat on the staircase looked very much like a young Chloe, but it was the stance of Calypso that stopped me. Her head was turned to the side toward the camera, her tail was way up in the air, and she looked very happy. I’ve seen that stance before, I thought. It wasn’t until a day or two later when I realized where I had seen that pose. It was in my dream, when Chloe was standing on the back of the alligator. I realized then that this was not just a normal dream I had. This was an imprint, or a visitation or something otherworldly that marked that stance on my brain. Chloe was still alive at the time of that dream, so it wasn’t a visitation from her, but somehow my angels and spirit guides managed to put this dream in my head and made sure I didn’t forget it. I was meant to remember that pose from that dream.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to entertain the idea of bringing a new cat into the home so soon after losing our beloved Chloe, but after much debate back and forth, I contacted the shelter and set up an appointment to meet Calypso (I was secretly hoping she had been adopted so I didn’t have to make the decision to bring her home, but nope…she was there waiting for us). Needless to say, it was love at first sight, not only because she looked like Chloe, but she was small and terrified in the shelter full of barking dogs, as she had been in foster care, hence the photo on the staircase. My protective instincts kicked in as I scooped her up to cuddle and calm her down. We quickly wrapped up the adoption process, and she spent the first night in her fur-ever home. However, we didn’t feel that the name Calypso fit her. It was such a big name for a tiny kitty but we didn’t have any other names in mind so we kept it while we brainstormed other names, but nothing quite fit. The next day I was at the grocery store and randomly picked up a magazine (which I rarely do) and turned to an article about a dog named Clover. I was instantly drawn to the name. When I proposed the name change, my boyfriend liked it because he said it honored Chloe, who we often called Clo. We also learned that in Irish folklore, Clover stands for love, luck, faith, and hope. What else do you need to mend a broken heart?! Oddly enough, this name really seemed to fit her, and so her name was changed.
The Connection:
As Clover got comfortable in her new home, I began to see similarities between Chloe and Clover that were hard to overlook or explain away. While I worked each day in my office, Chloe would often jump up on my desk, lie down and take a nap (so it makes sense why she sought comfort there on her final morning). I even have a picture of Chloe sleeping on my desk, and after her passing I framed it and placed it on my desk so she would always be there with me while I was working. One day Clover came walking into my office, jumped onto my desk and lay down to take a nap. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I took a picture of her in that pose, and eerily enough the picture of Chloe that I placed on my desk is in the background, and they are in the exact same position, paw draped over the edge of the desk.
There were other similarities too, such as Clover likes to hang out in the cabinet under the sink, like Chloe used to. Sometimes she can make it out without issue, and other times we hear the familiar thump thump thump. And if another cat threw up, which they did often, Chloe would take her paw and scrape next to it like she was trying to bury it before I had a chance to clean it up. The first time a cat threw up with Clover in the house, she did the exact same thing. None of my other cats, past or present, had ever done that. Lastly, all of my cats have their own special place where they eat, like their own seat at the table. They all know exactly where to go at feeding time. The first time I fed Clover with the rest of the crew, she instantly took up residence in Chloe’s spot with Chloe’s bowl. The site was so familiar to me that I barely noticed at first, but when the realization kicked in I just stopped and stared for a bit, shaking my head. There were way too many occurrences to try to explain away. But they have their differences too, and Clover is very much her own kitty. Do I think that Clover is Chloe reincarnated? No. But I do believe that Chloe was guiding her in some way. There were just too many coincidences, and still are to this day, which brings me great comfort as I realize the connection to Chloe is still there.
During my grief period, people would suggest that I write a letter to Chloe expressing my love, or a poem to her. But I wasn’t ready yet. I knew the words would come in time, and they did. I eventually ended up writing this poem honoring Chloe and her connection to both me and Clover and I wanted to share it because maybe you have been in a similar situation; grieving a pet, yet feeling like they were somehow still with you. Chloe is on the left, with the halo and Clover is on the right. Chloe’s picture is a little more subdued, like she is in the background, and Clover’s coloring is more predominant, which I suppose is fitting given the circumstances. In real life, they are exactly the same color.
I still miss Chloe every day, and I still talk to her, as strange as that may sound. But I know she gave us such a gift by sharing her life with us and then guiding us to this new gift of Clover. Pets are so precious, and they are with us for such a short time. I always say we just borrow them from Heaven and then we have to give them back. We know they will break our hearts some day, yet we do it anyway. Because the love they provide while they are here, and the love they still give after they leave, is worth it.
The Chloe Connection
I thought that when your heart stopped beating,
Mine would shut down too.
For how could I keep breathing
While I said good-bye to you?
My heart was breaking, my mind was numb,
And my body, a physical ache.
This isn’t right. You can’t be gone.
This must be some mistake.
But I began to see signs of you,
Even though still bereft.
These little signs filled me with hope
As I realized you’d never left.
Then you gave me the greatest gift
When you sent her my way.
She filled the void that you created
Because you could not stay.
I saw so many signs of you within her;
So many similar traits.
It really made me wonder about life,
And pay homage to the fates.
She looked like you, she felt like you,
Yet she was her own being.
There were times I would just ponder and stare,
And marvel at what I was seeing.
I knew she was a gift from you;
A gift I would honor and treasure.
I slowly let the healing begin
And allowed myself to feel pleasure.
Sometimes I would sit back and relax
And watch her play for awhile.
And despite the lump that grew in my throat,
I couldn’t deny the smile.
That smile would grow until it reached my eyes
And my heart began to lift.
I knew this was your intention
And your purpose with this gift.
There are so many things we don’t know.
Much of life is a mystery.
I believe there are forces at work
Even though we cannot see.
I believe our loved ones are with us.
I believe in angels and guides.
I believe that hope can exist in our hearts
Even if pain still resides.
I am sure there are forces to steer us,
Always working behind the scenes,
Even if we can’t always feel it
Or don’t understand what it means.
I know I will never forget you,
Even as time marches on.
I feel our souls are connected,
As evidenced by our strong bond.
I know that one day we’ll meet again
But for now, until that day,
I’ll treasure, protect, and honor
The gift you sent my way.
I know that love never leaves us.
The bond we share never dies.
The love that we have for each other lives on,
And only intensifies.
You’ve shown me that love caresses the soul,
And that same love, the heart it warms.
You’ve proven to me that love never dies.
It merely just transforms.
-K.A. Bloch-
© 2024
In Honor of Chloe: Our Time Together Was Purr-fect
April 16, 2013 – May 2, 2024
