When I was gathering up my courage to start both this blog and shortly after, my YouTube channel, I watched a ton of videos from other YouTube channels encouraging us newbies to “just start”, “hit record and post”, etc. But that is easier said than done! It is a very scary endeavor to put your work, and your face, and your voice out into the world, especially on video where everyone can feel free to critique you and leave not so nice comments (thankfully, most people are very kind and encouraging, but you do get the occasional rotten egg). The fact that everyone was so encouraging, and also the fact that I believe in my work and I am proud of my content should have made the process more approachable and it did. But I still wanted to put out a quality product and to be proud of the videos that I was producing, so hitting record and just posting was a bit more of a stumbling block that I had to get over. I couldn’t let perfect be the enemy of good.
While I was watching all of these videos from other creators telling the world to just hit record, there was one video where a woman mentioned the top two things that hold people back from starting a YouTube channel are fear, and comparison. I wrote about comparison with my blog post and video poetry reading of The Thief, from my third book “Gather Seeds of Hope” (https://thepracticalpoet.com/the-thief-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/), so on this blog post I am discussing the fear component. I feel like comparison is easier to deal with than fear. When we compare something, we have already put it out into the world. If we are comparing our YouTube channel to other channels, it means we have content out there that can be analyzed and measured, so we have already gotten over the fear of posting a video. If we are comparing our material possessions with our neighbors or friends, we have already purchased what we are comparing, whether that is new clothes, a new car, or new handbag. We are comparing what we have to what others have, so we are not stumbling over moving forward with something. We have probably already done it or purchased it. I feel like comparison gets into our heads, and fear does as well, but fear also gets into our hearts and can stop us from moving forward with something we want to pursue. While comparison may make us feel down about something we have or don’t have, fear can make us doubt our abilities. Both can make us feel bad about ourselves, but in different ways.
But what is it that we are afraid of, especially with putting out a blog post or YouTube video, or anything that puts our face or our work out into the world? Are we afraid of failing? Yes. Are we afraid of criticism? Of course. Are we afraid of being discovered? Definitely, and this can have good or bad ramifications. People who have had a YouTube channel explode, like the infamous Mr. Beast, are suddenly faced with life changing possibilities, including the decision to perhaps leave their jobs and make YouTube a full time career; sudden “fame”, at least in the YouTube world; and the pressure to keep producing content that keeps the world watching. So this can be a mixed blessing. Conversely, someone might be afraid of being discovered by friends and family. After all, these are people who love us and want the best for us, which sometimes makes them our harshest critics. We may fear they will laugh at us, or ask us why we are wasting our time on stuff that no one is reading or watching. Or we may fear being discovered by our employer, especially if we are posting controversial content or material that may go against our company’s code of conduct.
So all of these things may stop us in our tracks, and make us say “not today”, as we put that dream or endeavor to the side. But if we do that, we may feel heavy in our hearts. We might feel like we are leaving something aside that could really serve us or the world. We might feel like we are letting ourselves down by not conquering that fear and moving forward with our plan. We might feel like a coward. All of these are negative emotions, and fear itself is a negative emotion. Fear will try to keep us safe and grounded. Fear is like that big brother who won’t let the little brother cross the street by himself, telling him that he’ll get run over by a truck. Fear always imparts the worst case scenario. Fear stunts our growth in so many ways. It keeps us tied to who we are instead of allowing us to grow into who we might become. Sometimes we are not even sure exactly what we are afraid of. We just have a general fear of the fear. And that’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. It’s how you process the fear, and channel it, and allow it to move you forward to reach your goal that matters. It’s what you do with the fear that counts. We don’t have to listen to fear. We can indulge in positive self talk; we can listen to podcasts or read up on whatever we are pursuing so we strengthen our knowledge base, which gives us power. We can get to the point where our courage is greater than our fear. As you start to tackle it, and as the desire to overcome the fear gets stronger, the fear gets less and less. It will still exist, but not to the paralyzing level it was at initially. We all have this ability. The question is, do we choose to embrace it? Or is it easier to let the fear win?
A few years ago I decided to take my love of the fitness methodology Pilates to the next level by becoming a certified instructor. I enrolled in the teacher training program at my local studio, went through the challenging in-studio sessions, completed the required observations, practiced on friends and family, and passed the timed written exam with two minutes to spare on the clock. My Master Trainer, who lived in Arizona and traveled to my state for our in-studio sessions, invited me to come to her studio while I was out west vacationing. She had me lead portions of a workout to her club members several times throughout my visit. After each chunk that I taught, I told myself I hated it, and as I got back on the plane to come home, I made the decision that I was never going to do that again. I was not going to teach Pilates after all. The fear had won. But what exactly was it that I was afraid of? Was I afraid of making a fool of myself? Was I worried I wasn’t going to be able to lead a good class? Did I doubt my training or credentials? Probably a little of all of the above. But whatever the main reason, the truth is the fear had won out. And it was paralyzing.
So how did I get over my fear so that I could begin teaching? I started talking to myself with positive affirmations, and I found a really good Podcast about channeling that fear into something productive. I had worked so hard to get to the point where I could start teaching. I had put in the time and did the work. I put in the effort to make it happen. I was not going to allow it so slip through my fingers that easily. The morning that I taught my first class I’m surprised I didn’t pass out. But I made it through and in the end it was a decent class, people got a good workout, and I knew I was only going to improve the more I did it. Do I still get scared? Maybe not scared per se, but nervous or jittery sometimes. Or I get inside my own head with doubts, or that comparison creeps in, especially if I attend another instructor’s class or spend too much time on Instagram and see all of the creative moves and workouts other instructors are putting out there. But the fear, for the most part, has been conquered.
It’s important to distinguish fear from a general disinterest though. Both can hold you back, and both can stunt your growth in different ways. I have tried doing things I was unsure of at first; roller derby, riding a motorcycle, joining the board of my Homeowner’s Association. After dipping my toes into the water with these things, I realized that I was not interested in continuing for various reasons. Were there certain things I was afraid of? Most definitely, especially with the motorcycle and the roller derby! Could I have talked myself into sticking with these things so that I could experience personal growth? Sure, I could have. But I didn’t want to. And that’s the difference.
When there is something that you really want to do, but you are afraid for whatever reason, there is a general feeling of being unsettled, or like you have unfinished business. It can really nag at you and weigh you down with regret and a feeling of missing out. If you have some fear, but the lack of interest or even indifference is greater than that fear, you can shrug it off with an “Oh well, I tried” attitude. With the Pilates training, I inherently knew it was the fear that was greater than my initial dislike of teaching. I knew it by the level of disappointment I felt when I told myself I was done. On that plane ride home, I had a sadness come over me, almost like saying goodbye to a friend, or as if I was leaving something behind. I felt like something was missing, and that I had let myself down. Once I embraced the fear and gave myself several pep talks and listened to those podcasts, I was able to overcome and move along, and I have grown exponentially from that. With those other endeavors, the disinterest was greater than the fear. So sure, I could have carried on and I am sure there are several things I would have learned from the experiences, but I didn’t have the interest, so any growth potential was a moot point for me. So we don’t have to take on everything in order to grow, and we don’t have to say yes to every opportunity that comes our way. If you are hesitant to try something because you are afraid of failure, or embarrassment, or hurting yourself and so on, really try to analyze that fear and see if you can find the root cause for your hesitancy. Try to determine exactly what is holding you back. If you realize that maybe the opportunity isn’t worth the time or interest, or you won’t have benefitted from it, then let it go and move on. But if you feel in your heart that you really want to proceed, go forth with courage, embrace the fear as it comes, channel it into energy to move forward, learn from the mistakes made along the way, and celebrate the growth that you’ve gained by not letting the fear hold you back from something you really want to achieve.
Come along with me for this poetry reading, in which we witness two people embrace their fears and come out stronger on the other side. When we do that, it helps build strength and character, so the next time we are afraid of something, we can draw on this experience and have the confidence within ourselves to not let that fear creep into our heads and hold us back. We can lead with the positive emotions of trust and valor, and watch fear shrink behind us like a bully that has just been scolded.
I hope you find the courage to do the same with whatever you want to pursue in life!
The Fear of Fear
The valedictorian stands offstage
Feeling so nervous and scared.
Her speech is committed to memory,
Yet she still feels so unprepared.
She peeks around the curtain
And quickly scans the crowd.
Her nerves are frayed, her belly aches,
And her heart is beating loud.
She ponders running out the back door
As she paces both to and fro.
But then the announcer calls her name,
And she knows it is time to go.
She displays such grace and poise
For someone so young of age
As she takes a deep breath of courage
And steps onto the stage.
The basketball player stands at the line
Preparing for his free throw.
He scans the crowd and takes deep breaths
To get his heart to slow.
He senses the stillness in the air
And feels his anxiety climb.
This could be the winning point,
Or put the game into overtime.
He holds the ball and squeezes it tight
As his apprehension lingers.
He aims and shoots, not quite aware
That the ball has left his fingers.
Time has slowed and silence remains
As the player rubs his hands.
He closes his eyes, for he cannot watch
To see where the flying ball lands.
But he can’t wait any longer,
And his nerves can’t take anymore
When he hears the crowd go wild
As they erupt into a roar.
The basketball player cries tears of joy
As he absorbs the fans adoration.
The valedictorian smiles proudly
As she receives a standing ovation.
Both of them grew that day
In ways they may not have guessed.
They embraced both fear and victory,
Even though they were put to the test.
So many times in life
We are grounded by our fear.
I’d love to skydive from a plane
But I know I’d never dare.
Fear can weigh us down
So that we cannot spread our wings.
Fear can hold us back in life
From achieving so many things.
But when the adrenaline kicks in,
The feeling is so inviting.
We wonder, in retrospect,
Why we spent so much time fighting.
Adrenaline makes us feel alive!
The excitement makes us surge.
But fear comes along like a bully
And helps tamp down the urge.
Fear will tell us what will go wrong.
Fear is negative.
Fear will strive to hold us back
Instead of encouraging us to live.
So be uncertain, be petrified,
Don’t let fear have its say.
Do it scared…be terrified…
But do it anyway.
Try to gather up your strength
And try to persevere.
Try to let your courage
Be stronger than your fear.
Try to do something every day
That helps shake up your nerves.
This will help build courage
To navigate life’s curves.
For when you reach the other side
It’s then you realize
That you just grew much stronger
By looking fear in the eyes.
And the next time you grow fearful
Or are overcome with doubt
You’ll recall the moment
When you kicked the fear right out.
And once you no longer allow fear
To live inside your head,
You won’t be grounded anymore;
You’ll embrace the fear instead.
-K.A. Bloch-
