This week in the United States we celebrate Thanksgiving. This is a time to pay homage to our heritage while also being grateful for the blessings we have. For many, this is a holiday spent with family gathered around the festive dinner table as we enjoy a feast of the traditional Thanksgiving menu of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, and all the rest of the trimmings. But as wonderful as that sounds, many people don’t have family, or at least not nearby, and traveling around this time of year can be hectic and expensive. So in recent years, a new tradition has started, and that is Friendsgiving. This is a celebration that occurs typically the weekend before or after the traditional Thanksgiving holiday, which always falls on the fourth Thursday in November. Friendsgiving is a time to celebrate these people in our lives who may not be blood, but are most definitely family. A few years ago, I traveled to California over the Thanksgiving holiday for a wedding, and enjoyed a wonderful Friendsgiving with these people in my life who I know call family, It was one of the best and most memorable holidays I have ever had, and I am grateful for these friends who opened up their home and their hearts to me and the rest of our friend group as we toasted, and feasted, and celebrated our friendship and all the great memories we have had and will continue to have, God willing.
When I was growing up my dad typically worked half a day every Saturday, so our job as kids was to have the house clean when he walked through the door around 1:00 p.m. I suppose the structure was a good thing and kids do need that, but this is one of those nagging habits that I brought with me into adulthood. Don’t get me wrong, having a clean house or doing chores is not a bad thing, except when it interferes with life. In the past if someone would invite me to something on a Saturday, I would immediately feel that anxiety kick in as if to say “what about the housework?” I wish I could rid myself of the need to always put that first, but it is a hard habit to break after having it ingrained from childhood. I have gotten better though. A few years ago I had surgery and could not clean or vacuum for several weeks. Guess what happened? Nothing! Well, aside from the house getting very dusty and dirty, the world did not end! I often refer back to that time when life gets crazy and the house gets a little out of sorts. I tell myself that it is OK and that living life is so much more important than getting chores done. After all, who ever said at the end of their life “Boy, I am really proud of my clean house”?
Now, as I am getting older and everyone is so busy or even moving away as we get closer to retirement, I am realizing more and more the value in spending time with those people whom we cherish, especially as I have already lost people in my life. My sister has a plaque with a poem on it hanging on her wall that she got when my niece was born, and it is written from the viewpoint of a young mother. The ending of the poem talks about how all the unimportant stuff can wait because this young mother is rocking her baby, and babies don’t keep. I always loved that poem. I have learned that people don’t keep either. We always think there is tomorrow, or next week, or next year, but the truth is, sometimes there is not.
This next poem was written after I had met a dear friend for lunch on a weekend. It was one of those situations where we finally made the time after saying “We need to get together” one too many times. We sat down at 2:00 p.m. and talked and laughed and got caught up. At one point, a friend of my friend saw us through the window and came in to have a drink with us, which was such an unexpected pleasure. I thought it was about 5:00 p.m. when I looked at my watch and saw that it was 7:20! We had been there for over five hours! No wonder our asses were sore. When I got home about 8:00 p.m., I looked around at all the stuff that did not get done that weekend and immediately felt a pang of guilt. But I quickly shrugged it off as I would not have changed a thing about spending the afternoon with my friend. I am getting better at letting the small stuff go and embracing the important moments in life, because like those babies, these opportunities to see loved ones don’t keep either.
Time Spent with Friends
I met a friend for lunch today,
We found the time at last.
We talked and laughed and got caught up,
The hours flew on past.
We sat for hours on those same seats;
Our bottoms started aching!
We reminisced about old times
And the memories we were making.
When I got home I realized
How much did not get done.
The laundry did not wash itself
While I was out having fun.
The dishwasher still sat quite full.
There are no clean coffee mugs.
The floor is in need of sweeping
And there’s cat hair on the rugs.
Something is rotting in the fridge
As I quickly close the door.
My side eye catches dust bunnies
scampering across the floor.
The bathtub needs a scrubbing
And there are streaks across the mirror.
I feel a flash of guilt inside;
I should’ve stayed right here.
But life is short, and friends are few,
And fewer every year,
As life takes us in separate ways
From those we hold so dear.
That to-do list will still be there,
And the chores may never end.
But what can be so fleeting
Is the time we spend with friends.
So do not pause or vacillate
When a friend sends an invitation.
The chance to see those dear to you
Should come without hesitation.
The errands will be waiting
And the world, it won’t end
But your soul will be smiling
Because you hugged your friend.
I smile as I recall the laughs
And the great wine that we tasted.
I’ve learned that time spent with friends
Is never time that’s wasted.
