When someone is speaking, are you really listening, or is your mind wandering elsewhere? If you’re in a disagreement, are you actively hearing the other person’s point of view, or are you just waiting for your turn to defend your stance? Many people, myself included, need to improve on our listening skills, but I do admit it’s a bit of a challenge when there’s so much we’re trying to keep track of in our busy lives. I often find my mind wandering to my shopping list, or what errands I still need to run. More than once, I’ve been caught when the person asks me a question about something they’ve said and I’m unable to answer. Oops. It’s disrespectful, especially if someone is venting to you about something going on in their life, to be thinking about what you’re going to wear to tomorrow night’s office event.
I’m making a diligent effort to really improve my listening skills by practicing “active listening,” which means making a conscious attempt to really hear what the other person is saying; not just the words, but also the message behind the words. This includes facing the person and showing them they have your full attention, maintaining eye contact, paraphrasing what they’re saying, and asking questions to show interest. Also, limiting judgment and keeping an open mind are ways to show the person you’re invested in what they’re saying. Of course, there are those people who can talk on and on without allowing you to get a word in, and in these moments it’s good to add in a little patience to those active listening skills.
Words are a bit like that pen that was written about a few poems back (https://thepracticalpoet.com/the-power-of-the-pen-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/), used every day but highly undervalued; and like that pen, words can bring great joy or devastation. A baby’s first words will be remembered forever by her doting parents; a lover whispering words of romance can melt the recipient’s heart; “There was nothing more we could do for him” can change a family’s life in an instant. Words of compassion following devastating news can bring comfort and soothe those who are suffering.
Like that pen, words can also cut sharply if spoken out of rage, and can sometimes change a relationship forever. Words of anger may linger in the back of the person’s mind long after they’ve forgiven the person who spoke them. Even in the poem “Forgiveness,” (https://thepracticalpoet.com/forgiveness-from-gather-seeds-of-hope/) it took a lot for the impacted person to reach the decision to forgive, as the offensive words played over and over in the person’s head like an angry song on repeat.
Given the power they have, perhaps we should all proceed with a bit more caution, and really think before we blurt out something we may later regret.
Words
Words are just a part of life;
We use them every day.
But how much do we stop and listen
To what others have to say?
If we ask someone how they are,
Do we really care?
Have we already moved on
While their words float in the air?
When someone tells you of their troubles
Do you listen with intent,
Or is your mind off wandering
While they voice their discontent?
When someone else is speaking
Are you circling like a hawk,
Waiting for them to hesitate
So you can jump in and talk?
Words, when spoken lovingly,
Can warm one to the heart.
Words spoken in anger
Can tear someone apart.
Words shared in gossip
Can cause another shame.
A person can feel insecure
By the calling of a name.
Words can do much damage
In the telling of a lie.
And words can rip two friends in half
If they don’t see eye to eye.
Words can ruin a marriage
If they whisper of a scandal.
Sometimes hearing the spoken truth
Is more than one can handle.
Words can ruin a career
If one disparages a race.
Many have learned this lesson
As they’ve fallen hard from grace.
But when delivering bad news,
Words can soften up the blow,
And help to show compassion
As emotions overflow.
Words can be heavy.
Words can carry weight.
If spoken when they shouldn’t be,
Words can implicate.
Sometimes it’s best to zip our lips;
Keep them closed from ear to ear.
“The right to remain silent”
Are words we never want to hear.
So listen closely with intent
When others are busy speaking.
Listening skills, for most of us,
Could use a little tweaking.
Choose your words carefully;
Be aware of what you say.
Because once they’re floating through the air,
You can’t take them away.
-K.A. Bloch-
